Game of Hearts

Hearts are resilient things. It beats, day in and day out. And sometimes, it seems to be the only thing that carries us through those grueling and unbearable days. Also, even when we seem close to bursting at the seams from an overwhelming amount of excitement, happiness, pain, or misery, our heart never explodes. Somehow our heart expands, remaining in tact.

Last night so much happened so quickly. I never thought my heart was capable of handling that much pain and heart ache. I went on a date with my boyfriend, who I have been off and on with for almost two years now. We met our senior year in high school. We both were in the beginning art class. I thought I would take that class, in hopes to enjoy my last year in high school. The few first months of high school and that art class were unbearable. But, as November began rolling by, Andy (my now ex boyfriend) was moved to sit at my table, directly across from me. We began talking, and before we knew it, we were falling for one another. The story gets a little complicated, but that upcoming May, Andy was officially all mine. He became my first everything. 

Flashing forward back to last night. Almost two years have gone by since we've met. Last night was the first time we had gone on a date since I've moved back home. Up until that point, I was away at college. As the night went on, I began to realize that my feelings for Andy have changed. I didn't get those butterflies of excitement anymore. I no longer looked at him through a lover's eyes. I was no longer madly in love with him. Somehow, along the way, I had changed. I was no longer interested in Andy like I once was. This time, we were breaking up for good. 

In short, the drive home from our date was excruciating. We rarely talked, and I kept bursting into tears. Yes, I no longer felt that burning flame of love for him, but I still loved him. I care so much for Andy. Also, I never have a dry eye when I think back on all the fun memories we made. Knowing those memories won't ever happen again with Andy and how it's come to an end, is still a hard pill to swallow. Yet, I know it is time for us to move on. I think Amy Winehouse said it best. Sometimes love really is a losing game.  I also know that one day, I will meet someone and everything will fall into place as it should. Although, until that day comes, I will continue to live life to the fullest, love deeply, and fill my life with unforgettable memories and adventures.

Ciao for now.